Posts

The so called "Passion"

How do you define passion? For me it is whatever that makes your eyes glow when you talk about it, whatever that makes you feel like your life means something, whatever that gives you a reason to get out of bed, whatever that gives you the strength to go to sleep knowing you'll wake up tomorrow morning feeling complete. I felt all this. Handball was my passion, my thing. The only constant in my so not constant life. I worked my ass off every day. I used to go two hours before practice time to work on myself. Coaches used to preach motivational speeches before games using my name as an example of hard work and devotion. I really loved it. I've been through some fucking hard time dealing with injures just like any other player. But I always managed to get back to that court and kick ass. Until that one time; I suddenly did not feel that urge to get out of bed, I didn't feel like I belong and that the court was not "Home" anymore. I was eaten up inside by all the &qu

Dreams

Woke up today feeling so overwhelmed by the dream I'd just interrupted. In the dream I was so angry that I could feel my body temperature changing. My mom always tells me that dreams are somehow projections of "عقلي الباطن". I stand in shock facing those projections as they show such a disturbed mind. In my dreams I'm either chasing/looking for someone or so mad at someone but they never seem to notice my existence. I wake up drained by the amount of effort I make trying to go through them in one piece. My dreams were never the place for me. When I was in love I used to rush myself into sleep so I can imagine the perfect moments with my boyfriend. As time passed by and my inner peace faded away I started hating my dreams. They are always too exhausting and I can never feel any satisfaction what so ever as if my whole life is some maze I'm stuck in searching for someone/thing with no other purpose.